Dec 31, 2008

        I’m back in the hotel lobby writing and it's around 2 am. Until an hour or so ago this place was bustling because it’s New Years Eve, but everyone’s gone back to their rooms now. I do hear some ambient noise of people talking from various rooms, but I’m the only one in the lobby.

        I have a glass of wine and my copy of The Terror with me. I hope no one comes out here to see me because I’ve been crying a lot and my face is all red and ugly, and my hair is probably a mess. I didn’t mean for it, but Scott knows about my intentions now. I feel really stupid and I don’t know what he’s gonna do.

        The tension was thick today the moment I woke up. I was up really late, so I slept until 10 or so, and felt groggy and hungover. Scott was drinking coffee and watching ESPN on the TV and SportsCenter was on and a man and woman were discussing college football.

        I propped myself up on my elbow. “Good morning,” I said.

        “Good morning,” Scott said tersely, not looking at me.

        I got up and drank a couple cups of water and used the restroom before I returned to the bed. “What’s wrong?” I asked.

        Scott shook his head. “Nothing’s wrong, Christine.”

        “Then why are you being like that?”

        “Like what?”

        “Nevermind.”

        I shook my head and got out of bed to get dressed. I needed coffee if I wanted to be functional the rest of the day. I didn’t want to sleep more, and I didn’t think I could even if I tried. I put my jacket on, since I planned to have a cigarette before returning to the room. I thought Scott would ask where I was going but he didn’t.

        There was a coffee dispenser with disposable cups next to it and I filled it with scalding hot coffee before I went outside to sit on the bench. It must have snowed at least six inches overnight, and the staff had shoveled and salted the little sidewalk but the bench was still covered in snow. I tucked my hand into my coat sleeve and cleared off enough room for me to sit. The snow had stopped and it was sunny, but still pretty cold, just above freezing. I lit my cigarette and watched as steam swirled from the opening of my coffee cup. I wanted to start drinking it right away but I knew it would scald my tongue.

        So much happened yesterday. I wondered if I would see Kyle, Andy, or Peter. Probably. I felt so weirdly close to this family I didn’t know, and I felt embarrassed and exposed. I was looking forward to leaving this strange hotel and going back to the isolation of Lake of the Woods. I felt that the interactions with strangers were creating tension with Scott and I, although I still wasn’t exactly sure what he was upset with me about.

        I took a long drag from my cigarette and glanced over my shoulder to look into the pool room. From where I was sitting I could only see a little portion of the pool, and I didn’t see Kyle or any of the other kids. If Scott was going to be cold to me when I went back inside I decided I would go swimming again.

        I put out my cigarette and went back inside. I grabbed an apple and a bagel from the continental breakfast on my way back to the room. When I walked in the door I saw Scott asleep on the bed. I moved quietly, not wanting to wake him. I took my coat off and ate the apple on the chair next to the bed as I watched SportsCenter, bored. They kept showing clips of young men in football attire, and they talked about recent injuries. I thought about Kyle and I wondered if he would be on a show like this someday. I sipped my coffee and it was still very hot, but drinkable.

        After a while I went into the bathroom and put on my swimsuit and the oversized black shirt and went to the pool room. There were a bunch of children swimming in the pool with their parents either swimming with them or watching from the chairs. I felt chilled so I went to sit in the hot tub, which was unoccupied. I sat there for a while until I felt too warm and became agitated. I wished Scott was with me, but I was relieved to be away from him in his grumpy state.

        There were too many small children in the pool for me to feel comfortable swimming in it after I got tired of the hot tub, so I went back to the room, looking forward to eating the bagel I had left behind.

        I went right to the bathroom when I got back to the room and took a quick shower before changing into sweats. When I emerged from the bathroom, Scott was awake, sipping from a coffee cup.

        “Welcome back,” he said.

        I scoffed. “I feel so welcome,” I said sarcastically as I grabbed the bagel and sat down on the bed next to him.

        We sat in silence for a while as SportsCenter played in the background and I ate my bagel, dry, since I hadn’t wanted to carry one of the little cream cheese containers when I grabbed it.

        “You went to the pool again?” Scott asked.

        I nodded and continued eating without comment.

        “See any of your friends?”

        I rolled my eyes. “No. I didn’t see anyone from that family.” I sat for a while, chewing my bagel, before I couldn’t stand the silence anymore. “Why are you watching stupid sports stuff? Are you one of those guys?”

        Scott picked up the remote and turned the TV off. “Happy?” he asked.

        “What, like there’s nothing else on?” I asked as I took the last bite of my bagel.

        He sighed. “What’s your problem, Christine?”

        I looked at him, my eyes widening. “My problem? You’ve been acting weird since last night.”